Medical Mayhem

Dark hallways and scary doctors: what can be scarier than a hospital?

I went to the doctor’s earlier this year for a medical check up for my college registration. I was actually looking forward to it… until it happened. 

I’ve never undergone a medical examination before, other than the time a bunch of doctors came to KYS during my residential based selection. It never really crossed my mind to get a medical examination, because most of the time I only come down with the common cold, or a really light fever. Besides, let’s just say I had an especially awkward experience with a doctor back in 2012.

It was one fine Monday morning where I was supposed to give a report about the Robotics team’s recent competition during my school’s formal assembly. I slept very late the night before, and didn’t have time to grab breakfast. Halfway through my speech (to everyone’s horror), I fainted. The headgirl at that time, Kak Hidayah, said it was the most memorable assembly ever. 

Hey, at least I’ll be remembered for something in my school.

The nurse recommended bringing me to a nearby clinic to get my condition examined. Here’s how it turned out:

DR: So, what’s your concern?

ME: Oh I fainted earlier today.

DR: Why?

ME: Uh, I don’t know?

DR: Have you been eating a lot of chocolates lately?

ME: I indulge occasionally, but not a lot.

DR: Makan banyak sangat coklat ni. (You eat too much chocolates la.)

So my diagnosis was: “Makan banyak sangat coklat”.

A week later, my mom brought me to the family clinic; and that was when I discovered I had low blood pressure and hypoglycemia.

With that said, I never look forward to any meetings with doctors. So this was my first medical check up in a really long time. My mom decided to bring me to a new hospital in Melaka to conduct the medical examination. It was my first time there. The staff was very pleasant as she explained to me the course of the check up package I will be undergoing, and what they’re going to do to me for the checkup. After paying the medical check up fees and getting the receipt, I happily followed a nurse to the check up room. Little did she know what was to ensue.

The first thing she had to do was to take my blood for the blood test. I upped my courage and was cool for the whole process, up until she took the needle out of my arm. I was proud of myself for surviving that episode, so I decided to take it one step further: look at the tubes of my blood. BAD IDEA.

I instantly started feeling lightheaded and woozy, and everything started to blur. I could feel the life draining out of me – fast. I took deep breaths and tried to keep my cool. “Yeah I can do this,” I tried to convince myself. The nurse told me to get up and walk over to another chair for the eye exam.

I woke up with a throbbing ache on the back of my head, and the nurse was holding up my head, asking if I was ok. I was still trying to keep my cool, so I sat up quickly and said I was ok. I stood up myself, and sat on the chair as instructed earlier. By this time, I assume the nurse was already starting to panic because she ran out of the examination room to get me a drink. While she was out there, a sudden wave of nausea swept over me, and before the nurse could even step into the room, I puked all over myself! And the worst part was, I was wearing white pants!

My pants looked like an art piece by Jackson Pollock.

Because the blood test was the first test, I had to undergo all the other medical examinations – an X-Ray, a blood pressure exam, a doctor consultation session; all with vomit on my pants. A lot of the nurses asked about what happened that at one point I had to explain to them that it was the latest print and that it was a growing fashion trend. Groovy.

How bad could it be, right?

So the nurses called in a janitor to clean up the mess. The janitor decided to call in the WHOLE cleaning team, armed with mops and surgical masks, and put out a biohazard sign while they were cleaning up. By that time people were already starting to stare: what could have happened in there?

Credits to the awesome nurse for bearing with such a spectacle yet still being patient with me.

I offered my big sister a hug – I’ve never seen her run so fast in my life.

All the nurses at said hospital now know me by name. That’s certainly one way to leave a legacy.

No more medical examinations for me.